 "Photo: Meredith Bowen")
Alicia Spector watched squeamish females pass around sex toys - mainly vibrators and dildos - some in repulsion and some with curiosity. They used their hands to feel the texture and speed for each toy, their eyes wide as they handed the toys to one another.
Attending a sex toy party is not something average college students write on their calendars or admit to even their closest friends. Yet students are curious and are beginning to explore the world of sex products.
That's why, when the opportunity arose, sophomore Spector and some of her closest girlfriends took advantage of the invitation. Spector recently attended an off-campus sex toy party. While there, a local sex toy consultant distributed a variety of merchandise - featuring the products' shapes, sizes and speeds.
"Many of the girls said 'ewww' when the consultant passed around the toys," Spector said. "I think they reacted in this manner because they thought others expected them to do so."
Spector noted many of her female peers acted awkward, uncomfortable and embarrassed for fear of judgment in the presence of the phallic-shaped sex toys.
Although a majority of the attendees acted timid, they weren't alone in their curiosity. Spector was one of 35 to 50 Syracuse University female students who attended an in-home sex toy party instructed by a sex toy expert, she said.
While there's no statistical trajectory for these parties, the phenomena has swelled in popularity in the past decade. According to Babeland.com, a top-quality sex shop for men and women located in New York City, Seattle, Los Angeles and online, the company sold 118,250 vibrators in 2005. The popularity and profits from the adult novelties market has caused mega-retailers like Walgreens and CVS to sell their own "personal massagers."
College-aged women more than ever are acknowledging the taboo subject of female masturbation by throwing sex toy parties to explore the many facets of female desire.
"I want to pursue a career as either a sex therapist or a human sex professor, and this would come with the territory so I had to check it out," Spector, a sociology major, said. "This was my first sex toy party, but I didn't feel awkward."
At Spector's party, the sex toy consultant first educated the young women on self-exploration, masturbation and the female anatomy with a PowerPoint presentation before pitching her products - vibrators, dildos, perfumes, lubricants and body creams.
Lisa Garvis, a Syracuse sex toy consultant who has worked for Pure Romance - a national in-home party company that offers heighteners, lubricants and bedroom accessories for sexual enhancement - since April 2007 conducts on average four parties a week on and off campus.
"The girls are often times shy, but still open to the discussion," Garvis said. "It's still taboo in our society to talk about sex outside of marriage, and masturbation is just considered wrong."
When Garvis conducts parties, she educates the 20-something females in off-campus homes and dormitories on campus about their sexual anatomy. She's the right woman for the job, too. Before she started her job as a sex-toy consultant, Pure Romance required her to take a sexual education class.
Often, open-minded young females attend the parties, but Garvis said there's always one girl who feels uncomfortable. But there's also always another who boasts about her experience and love for sex toys.
However, female desire, masturbation and sex toys are often overlooked and not celebrated by society as much as male desire.
"Masturbation is not a hush-hush subject when it comes to men," said Robin Riley, a professor in the women's studies department. "The intense following of men's desire in society tends to have an effect on erasing women's sexual desires."
Erasure of sexual desire, not only for women, starts at an early age. Spector recalled her first sexual education class when she was in seventh grade.
"I remember my teachers promoting the abstinence-only approach to sexual desire," Spector said. "They never gave any ideas of outlets such as masturbation."
Nationally, the topic of masturbation has also been shunned. In 1994, U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders said schools should consider promoting masturbation as a tool to prevent sexually transmitted diseases. Elders was forced to resign after only 15 months in office. However, in the past decade, the growth of the Internet has increased the dissemination of knowledge for individuals seeking autonomous sexual satisfaction.
At SU, sexual gratification with partners and by oneself is not swept under the rug by a human sexuality course. The class requires students to partake in discussions led by student peer group facilitators once a week for 10 weeks. The students are encouraged to discuss sexual desire, self-exploration and messages about sexuality they received while growing up.
"The discussions help students understand more fully about how sexuality messages and society's gender expectations have impacted their values and comfort with their own sexuality, today," said Jill Sneider, adjunct instructor for child and family studies in the College of Human Ecology. "Peer leaders facilitate discussions about fantasies, sexual desire and personal sexual response, which encompasses conversations about self-exploration."
Still, the more taboo subjects never seem to be brought up in society or in the sexuality course.
While the course is designed to promote understanding and comfort with one's own sexuality, masturbation and sex toys rarely, if ever, are mentioned in discussion groups or the lecture, said sophomore peer facilitator Samantha Norelli.
"I think it's hard to talk about masturbation in a group situation even though we touch upon very sensitive subjects," Norelli, a psychology major, said. "I don't think best girlfriends even talk about masturbation and sex toys openly unless asked because it's super personal."
Spector, who took the human sexuality course last spring, agrees the topic of masturbation even among friends is a touchy subject and rarely spoken about in large groups.
Riley attributes the silence to the lack of positive language ascribed to expressing female desire. She added women's sexual desire exists only in relation to men and not individuality.
"The idea of women achieving pleasure for themselves outside the presence of men is inconceivable for much of society," Riley said. "Women have been taught to be quiet about how they feel regarding their own desires."
However, Riley said sex toy parties suggest women are acknowledging they have hidden desires, and these parties offer a safe space. She added when woman are sexually interacting with male partners, the focus usually remains on the male orgasm. Sex toy parties provide an environment to learn and explore their sexual desires.
Riley compared sex toys parties to feminist groups who pioneered sexual consciousness for curious females during the women's movement of the 60s and 70s. During these eras, a majority of women didn't understand their own genitalia. They used hand mirrors to explore and understand their own anatomy. However, Riley said the consciousness spawned from the women's movement died throughout time in the public.
The consciousness lingers, but sex parties are often pushed underground and not talked about outside of intimate circles of friends.
"I am often asked by the girls where their G-spots are located," Garvis said. "Many of the girls are very interested in reaching an orgasm, but they don't know how to achieve that pleasure."
The Gräfenberg spot, better known as the G-spot, is an erogenous zone located in the anterior wall of a woman's vagina. When stimulated, it can lead to increased levels of sexual arousal culminating in singular or multiple orgasms.
"I like educating girls about themselves," Garvis said. "I enjoy opening up people's minds about masturbation and sexuality because it's not as bad as people make it out to be."
Despite the open atmosphere a sex toy party creates, the unusual nature of the party can cause the get-togethers to be looked at as a joke.
Spector said when the females weren't acting repulsed, they were laughing because they didn't take the products seriously enough to buy them at the party. The sex toy consultant, however, provided the interested girls with her business card that listed a Web site where customers could discreetly buy an item.
"No one I saw there bought a sex toy or anything over-sexualized," Spector said. "Some girls bought perfumes and body creams - things that could be used for other purposes - or they were there just to be social."
Whether girls go to sex toy parties for social reasons or pure interest, Garvis said most attendees enjoy their experience.
"Sex toy parties help women find themselves sexually," Garvis said. "To be happy as a female, you have to take part in celebrating your sexuality."
capetroz@syr.edu
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