A ‘til-death-do-us-part commitment is a concept I can’t yet wrap my 18-year-old mind around. Finding a spouse is something I find myself too young to consider.

And yet, marriage and youth are the focus of a letter to the editor of Princeton University’s The Daily Princetonian, aimed at female students like myself. In this letter, Susan Patton, a 1977 PU alumna, expresses a strong point of view: “Find a husband on campus before you graduate.”

The message of the letter is partially about class and status. Find your intellectual equal at an Ivy League school because, according to Patton, “you will never again be surrounded by this concentration of men who are worthy of you.”

Although her letter is addressed to the women of the Ivy Leagues, its message has reverberated nationally across university campuses.

This message is one all high-achieving college women, whether at Harvard or Syracuse University, should actively ignore.

Harvard Crimson staff writer Nicole Levin satirically responded to Patton in, “Advice for the Young Women of Harvard,” published on The Harvard Crimson’s website April 11.

Even a student supposedly in the same league as a Princeton student humors Patton.

“So freshman ladies, put on your highest heels, three shades of blush and your girdle, then skip class and loiter around campus all day looking presentable,” Levin writes. “Sit in the library, the gym or Annenberg and remember to look the part of a ‘lady’ as you catcall those freshman boys.”

We are young, and upon entering college, we are at the pinnacle of youth. Mistakes are supposed to be made, especially regarding love. Why revert back to the former 19th-century standard that college is all about finding “the one?”

What’s the rush?

During our college years, we are setting ourselves up for the real world. Academically, we are preparing for post-college careers. Socially, we create lasting friendships — and maybe relationships — if we find someone who is right.

But there should be no stress in this journey. We should keep our options open and explore. We date, face rejection, cry, smile and feel lighthearted when we find new romantic prospects.

We are lucky enough to have close friends and an abundance of distractions — like stimulating classes and extracurricular activities — to make romantic rejection easier to overcome.

Finding “the one” is especially challenging in a large university setting teeming with thousands of students.

The task is a bit daunting.

Indeed, SU is a school with a history of love — and marriage — built into the university. Legend surrounds the Kissing Bench outside of The Hall of Languages: If two people kiss while sitting on the stone bench, they will eventually marry.

It is also common for couples who meet at the university to marry at Hendricks Chapel.

Regardless, I don’t anticipate that I will meet my future husband around every bend. I gave up that “typical freshman” ideal the second month of school.

As a generation defined by individualism and innovation, we don’t need to fall prey to society’s continuing focus on marriage as an institution that defines us.

Ultimately, we must determine who we are as individuals before we join each other in matrimony.

It is OK for love to be the subtext, not the main storyline, of these four years.

I mean the closest I’m getting to marriage these days is the “Weddings” category on Pinterest. Until I figure out who I want to be, I’d like to keep it that way for a while.

Anna Hodge is a freshman magazine journalism major. Her column appears weekly. She can be reached at [email protected] and followed on Twitter at @annabhodge.

Published on April 18, 2013 at 1:45 am