With commencement upon us and loved ones showering us with gifts like really nice pens, watches and that one Dr. Seuss book — by the way, to weird aunts everywhere: most original graduation gift ever — I’ve been thinking a lot about the past four years, just like every other senior.

I’ve been thinking about how soon-to-be grads repeatedly say that these four years were the best of their lives, and that once you turn 22, it’s just a big, old downward spiral into depression, responsibility and no fun.

So if this is essentially the end of our collective lives, I figured I’d make my bucket list of failure  — things we were all supposed to do at Syracuse University, but we never got to accomplish.

First and foremost: I only just discovered Roly Poly this semester. I only went to
Syra-Juice last week. I know, I know — what a waste of four years without that delicious establishment in my life. I’d like to have a do-over on that one.

I never took part in the annual humans vs. zombies Nerf gun battle in the spring. Wait, actually, I’m proud of that particular fact. Never mind.

I never went to a lacrosse game. I think I’m the only person in the Central New York area who really has no idea how that sport works. Isn’t there something about an X? Were we good in the X this year?

I never went to Juice Jam. Oy vey. I’m such a square.

I never got in a fight, which will please my mother to no end when she reads this. I should have just sucker-punched someone at Chuck’s Café one night, just to see what would happen. Then I’d really know what it means to feel alive.

I never sledded down the Crouse College hill on a dining hall tray in the middle of a snowstorm.

I never knew the love of a real woman.

Just kidding, I wanted to see if you guys were still reading.

For future employers who might stumble across this article while Googling me, I never drank underage nor did I know anyone at Syracuse who took part in any illegal activities. No sir. Not me. I find such practices to be reprehensible. If I ever saw any minors consuming alcohol, I would immediately report them to the authorities.

I hate degenerate youths and their loud devil’s music.

Seriously, though, I did actually sit down a few times and try to think of the little things I missed out on during my time at SU. Now that our university era is coming to a close, everyone is hell-bent on ensuring they got the “full college experience” before they leave.

But as I tried to think about all of the things I forgot to do, the activities I never participated in and the events I didn’t attend, I found myself coming up with much better memories that have been made since 2009.

I remembered way more good times than regrets. I don’t have too many regrets, to be honest.

And while you’re sitting and listening to some speaker say how commencement is “an end, but also a beginning” on Sunday, I think you’ll find that you don’t have a lot of regrets, either.

We did a pretty good job, guys.

So look, for those of you freaking out about facing the real world, our lives aren’t ending. Rumors about our post-grad deaths are greatly exaggerated. The best is yet to come, I guarantee it.

Oh, and hi, Mom! Thanks a bunch!

Kevin Slack is a senior television, radio and film major. His column appears weekly. He can be reached at [email protected] and followed on Twitter at @kevinhslack.

 

Published on May 9, 2013 at 12:23 am