It occurred to me the other day that I have been completely ignoring stouts all semester.

There hasn’t been a thick, dark beer in my refrigerator for months. I have been flat-out disregarding anything of the porter variety.

Well, this week was the time to fix that, especially since the change in weather made me crave something thicker, darker and more flavorful.

When I first think “stout,” I think Guinness, probably because it was the first beer I learned how to pour (at an inappropriately young age), and also because I’m a good Irish lass. And when I heard that Guinness had released a new, limited edition Red Harvest Stout in September, I had to try it.

But like many things, there’s just no beating the original.

It’s not that the Red Harvest Stout was bad, because it wasn’t. But it sure was underwhelming and not nearly stout-y enough for my taste. It poured out dark, but almost ruby red. It smelled like a Guinness and kind of looked like a Guinness, but let’s just say it didn’t quite live up to its name.

My biggest complaint about this beer was the head. When it poured out, it had that cool, cascading head that’s pretty characteristic of a Guinness: It rises from the bottom of the glass upward and culminates in a thick foam at the top. But it never dissipated, even after I let the beer rest from all the exertion of being poured out of the can.

In fact, I made it through nearly half an episode of “Game of Thrones” before what looked like a layer of heavy cream subsided enough for me to take a sip without an instant foam mustache.

And after teasing me for half an hour like the saucy minx I expected it to be, the beer turned out to be kind of a letdown — all show and no reward. In fact, the only word I can think of to describe it is shallow.

The Red Harvest lacked the flavor and intricacies of a regular Guinness, or any kind of halfway decent stout, so it tasted more like Irish Red ale. It was seasonal, definitely, and was nice to sip on. But if the Red Harvest Stout were a person, it would be one of the more vapid ones.

I did enjoy the beer. It was pleasant and it was nice to look at, but it wasn’t anything to wow the taste buds. I do have to give props to Guinness, however, for the Red Harvest’s backstory: It’s named for the Irish holiday of Samhain, which celebrates the end of fall and the coming of winter. Since there was practically a blizzard on Tuesday night, this seemed appropriate.

But cool marketing ploys aside, in the end I decided this beer should just be treated like you’d treat your one-night stand: hit it and forget it.

Published on November 13, 2013 at 10:07 pm

Contact Avery: [email protected] | @averyhartmans