Like most people, I find it difficult to back down from a challenge. So when I saw the slogan of Stone Brewing Co.’s Arrogant Bastard Ale, I knew I had to try it.

“You’re not worthy,” it said on the packaging. When I read that, I thought, “Of course I am. I’m buying this.”

That logic had a lot of holes — chiefly that the brewery was using the oldest trick in the book to get me to purchase its beer — and it worked like a charm.

The label claimed it was an “aggressive beer,” whatever that means. It also said I probably didn’t have the “taste or sophistication to be able to appreciate an ale of this quality and depth.” At the time, I thought that was funny.

Now, I’m just mad I spent $5 on a 22-ounce bottle of beer. You see, arrogance is only acceptable if you can back it up.

It seemed promising at first. It was dark and rich when I poured it out and looked like an amber ale. It smelled like it, too, and I was pretty excited to taste test it. But when I finally did, my first thought was, “This is so normal.”

At first, it was one of those beers where you can take it or leave it, and the only reason you continue to drink it is either because you’re really thirsty or you’re just trying to get hammered. It was like the ultra-hoppy version of a Blue Light.

But after a while, I started to wish I were drinking a Blue Light instead. The more I drank it, the worse it got, until the horrifyingly bitter aftertaste forced me to quit. I thought nothing could ruin the perfect pizza that I had handcrafted to go with it, but this did.

As I sat there contemplating where this beer went wrong, I realized what it reminded me of: It tasted like when you accidentally let a pill dissolve on your tongue and it leaves a chalky, bitter, disgusting aftertaste. Sounds yummy, right?

The brewery just way overdid it with the hops, to the point that the ale lost any semblance of beer at all, and I felt like I was just drinking a hops milkshake. I tried to look up which varieties of hops they used, but the brewery keeps that information under wraps — as if anyone would try to copycat their subpar beer.

This beer also didn’t have any flavor. It wasn’t malty, it wasn’t infused with anything delicious and it totally lacked creativity and complexity. It was trying too hard to be badass, and it just wasn’t.

In the end, I decided that I am more than worthy — of drinking a better beer, anyway. I appreciate Arrogant Bastard’s attempt to be cheeky and sassy, and to distract people from the super-awful taste of the beer with clever marketing and reverse psychology.

But facts are facts. It’s just gross.

Published on November 6, 2013 at 9:12 pm

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