Stupidity reigns supreme in courts, Congress, Starbucks, and the NFL

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Posted: 4/1/04

Cheer - The Daily Orange would like to extend a warm and long overdue cheer to stupidity. Yes, the ageless bane of mankind has just claimed its 37 billionth victim. A state Supreme Court judge demanded earlier this week to know what "idiot" it was that granted bail to a three-time convicted burglar who then went on to commit another 17 break-and-enter offenses in two months. Judge Dean Mildren asked, "Who is the idiot that did that?" in regards to what judge it was that actually granted the bail. It was then discovered that it was Mildren himself who granted the bail. The verdict is that Justice Mildren unfortunately forgot that he was responsible. Way to go, idiot.

Jeer - Federal lawmakers approved a bill in committee yesterday that would punish people who pirate music and movies online with jail time. The D.O. welcomes such an asinine move with the sentiment that, if passed in Congress, this bill will be the funeral of the Recording Industry Association of America. While the RIAA has sued hundreds and won thousands in settlements from the plaintiffs, little has happened in forms of organized protests. But just imagine what it's going to be like if Jenny gets arrested by the FBI from her dorm room for downloading Christina Aguilera. Everyone in all walks of life would certainly become agitated if someone they knew was sitting in a federal "pound-me in-the-ass" prison for online piracy. Hell, even grandparents would get involved in the issue if people were going to jail for downloading music. Furthermore, while the nation is faced with issues like the 9/11 Commission, the death of soldiers daily in Iraq, and divisive social concerns over gay marriage, it seems particularly mindless to concern ourselves with the wishes of the RIAA and the heinous crimes committed largely by pimpled teenagers from their bedrooms. The Daily Orange harshly jeers any move to put online pirates behind bars.

Jeer - The National Football League voted this week to create a new 15-yard penalty to be given when players celebrate excessively after a touchdown. The decision was reached by a vote of 31-1 and resulted from concerns over Joe Horn's hidden cell phone celebration and Terrell Owens' Sharpie touchdown. Creating such a penalty will only remove individuality from the NFL and drain possible entertainment from the game. There is no hiding the fact that the NFL exists to make money, and denying players the possibility to come up with a creative celebration will only hurt the chances of the league getting higher ratings.

Jeer - Eric Ruff, political appointee of the Pentagon, left behind notes at a Starbucks detailing part of the Bush administration's strategy on handling the Dick Clarke v. Condoleezza Rice issue. The notes were then found by a Starbucks employee and published on a liberal advocacy group's Web site. The Daily Orange would like to jeer the jackass coffee server for not minding his or her own business. If anyone else left behind a personal note, none of us would want to have the green-aproned hipsters that serve overpriced lattes and cappuccinos to pry into its contents. Given that Ruff's notes weren't detailing plans to assassinate John Kerry, bomb China, or the secret ingredient to Coca-Cola, the publisher of the notes quadrupled in lame points once uploaded. It's ridiculous to think that the Bush administration doesn't have a strategy for dealing with Dick Clarke's claims; it's part of their job as the people who run the country to figure stuff like this out. They should be left alone while doing some of it.

Cheer - The past week has been a successful one for liberals in terms of getting their voice out in mainstream media. Comedian and author Al Franken has been syndicated in five major cities and XM Radio with his own liberal radio talk show. Also, former Vice President Al Gore is reportedly very close to sealing a deal with the Vivendi Corporation in acquiring a cable TV channel. While the station will allegedly be targeted at a younger age bracket, it's hard to believe that someone with a leftist agenda like Al Gore wouldn't use such an outlet for combat personalities such as Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, and Michael Savage. The Daily Orange would like to cheer these recent achievements and looks forward to a new voice being heard in popular media outlets.