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Cheap-ass gift guide

Thrifty gifts for all your loved ones found at and around SU

By: Omar Raschid

Posted: 12/10/04

Last year, the junior math education major was the victim of a particularly brutal Christmas exchange with a friend of his. Cassie's friend Walker, who had just moved into Cassie's family home and even has his own stocking, worked at a sporting goods store all year. The previous week, when Walker celebrated the holiday early with the family of his former household, he put his store credit to good use, buying expensive hiking gear, backpacks and water bottles for the family.

"We don't have anything more to do than to wait," said Kaechele.

Needless to say, Cassie was excited to see what Walker would have in store for him. Though Cassie's family bought Walker expensive razors and video games, the return gifts weren't nearly what they had expected. "He split between my sister and brother a tin of Altoids," Cassie said. "He didn't even get them their own individual tins. They had to split one. And it wasn't even a joke."

Cassie, at least, was given a T-shirt - albeit two sizes too large and bought at a thrift store for $1. "Walker spent for my family a cumulative of $3 on Christmas presents," Cassie said.

A lack of money and transportation often contribute to the lackluster effort many college students put into buying Christmas presents. For students without cars, a quick trip to the mall is out of the question. And with limited places to go around campus, many simply do not bother trying.

For many, alcohol is a popular gift. Due to its prevalent nature in the social aspect of college life, many students consider alcohol a safe present to get somebody they don't know very well. It's a cheap and easy present to get somebody without putting much time and effort in. If Cassie gets a cheap gift from Walker this year, he'll at least be prepared. In fact, he's a little excited.

"I'm looking forward to seeing what he gets me this year," Cassie said.

Who: Horny Younger Brother What: PORN! How Much: $5.99 per issue/ $12 for subscription Where: Campus Bookstore Why it's great: Because it's the gift that keeps on giving. Did you know the bookstore has a selection of Playboy, Penthouse and Hustler? Added bonus: You can charge it to your bookstore account and maybe it'll get lost in the shuffle of the legit books you bought. Then your parents will end up paying for it.
	Who: Alcoholic Father What: Bottle of Jack Daniels How much: $16.99 Where: Liquor Store Why it's great: The classic dad drink - especially if you happen to be from Tennessee. Plus, once he's done drinking it, the bottle can quickly become a fine vase, candleholder or rat-masher.
Who: Stressed-Out Mother What: Gift Certificate to The Art of Massage How much: Varies, but prices start at $10 Where: The Art of Massage Why it's great: Because you probably want to have her relaxed when she receives the Campus Bookstore bill you have charged all the other gifts to.
	Who: Senile Grandparents What: Framed Picture of Yourself How much: $6.00 Where: CVS Why it's great: It doesn't matter what you get them - they're senile. Plus, it doesn't hurt to have a framed picture of you on their desk when it comes time to update the ole' will.
Who: Pseudo-Hipster Best Friend What: Salvation Army T-shirts How much: $2 Where: The Salvation Army Why it's great: Because it's the gift that someone already gave. Obscure images and references to places you have never heard of on tight T-shirts apparently make them "deck."
	Who: Quasi-Professional Older Sister What: Shot glasses How much: $6.99 Where: Campus Bookstore Why it's great: She'll need 'em eventually. Plus, alcoholism runs in families (See gift for dad).
Who: Boyfriend What: 30-rack of beer How much: Varies, depending on how cheap you are Where: Everywhere Why it's great: Ladies, getting your boyfriend good and drunk is the only way you're getting that Tiffany's necklace you want from him for Christmas.
	Who: Girlfriend What: Mix CD How Much: $.70 Where: Any place blank CDs are sold Why it's great: Horribly clichéd - yet delightfully sappy - girls can't seem to get enough of mix CDs for some reason. It's heartfelt, but cheap and easy to make. P.S. They don't think it's funny to add the N.W.A. song "College Girls Are Easy" to the end of the play list. Trust us. We've tried. It's not cute.
Who: Occasional hook-up What: Condoms How Much: Free Where: The SU Health Center Why it's great: Because you don't know where he or she's been.