A-list gossip exposed by D-list contender

By: Ben Peskin

Posted: 11/14/05

Even though she may be on the D-list, Kathy Griffin still knows her audience.

"I'm just so fucking happy to be back in a blue state," Griffin said, "I can't even tell you."

Last Friday night, Pride Union, with Zamboni Revolution and University Union Comedy, sponsored Griffin as she did her signature standup routine to a packed Goldstein Auditorium. She spoke to the crowd in a way comparable to the way someone gossips with his or her friends: by explaining whopper of a story after whopper of a story. Instead of telling the crowd about her friends, though, Griffin instead told the crowd about her experience with A-list celebrities.

The first juicy bits of gossip Griffin shared had to do with the first lady, Laura Bush. According to her, Googling the first lady would reveal that in her youth, Mrs. Bush ran a stop sign, hit a pedestrian and killed him.

Keeping her stories current, Griffin explained a celebrity's point of view on pitching in for Hurricane Katrina relief. After an appropriate Kanye West reference and some more funny but somewhat forced Bush-bashing, Griffin went on to tell a story of when she tried her own hand at some Katrina relief.

After obtaining a couple tickets to a Kelly Clarkson show in Las Vegas, Griffin decided to auction off on eBay a chance to go with her to the show and meet Clarkson as well, all proceeds going straight to the American Red Cross. Unfortunately, the trip, which sold for five figures, had to be altered because Clarkson got sick. Griffin then went to her backup, the immortal Celine Dion. The adventure with Dion involved recounting her extravagant stage show and having to get an absurd amount of memorabilia signed. The encounter ended with Griffin describing herself in a precarious situation while the photos were taken.

"I realized I was petting her hair," Griffin said.

The first two rows of Goldstein Auditorium were reserved for members and invited guests of Pride Union. According to George Northy, vice president of Pride Union and a senior advertising and sociology major, Griffin has recently become an important and popular figure to the gay community.

"She constantly talks about how she is surrounded by gay men," Northy said.

The event was also a big milestone for Pride Union, which has been trying to increase its presence on campus.

"This is the first time (Pride Union) has been a part of homecoming and has been able to sponsor an event of this magnitude," said Jen Spinner, advocacy chair for Pride Union.

Griffin's final story, and arguably the funniest, involved a time when she performed at a South Florida University with Andy Dick. She said her performance went well, but felt the audience was not quite ready for what she described as his avant-garde style. Dick's act involved a musical band that was more like a bunch of people he could get high with, Griffin said.

At one point, Griffin recalled that Dick just started asking the audience if they "thought he was a fag." After a while one guy couldn't take it, and yelled out, "You are a fag!" Dick proceeded to charge into the audience, pull down his pants, sit on who he thought said it and grind into the poor guy's lap.

"Who's the fag now?" Dick proceeded to scream, Griffin said.

The Syracuse audience gave a deserving Griffin a standing ovation at the end of the night.

Elissa Banker, a senior fashion design major, said she loved Griffin's performance.

"I laughed so hard I creamed my pants," Banker said.