2008 Woodie Awards
The Daily OrangePainting the White House orange
Our columnist chooses which ex-SU student deserves a spot in the Oval Office
By Nathan Mattise
Posted: 1/22/08, 12:15 AM EST Section: Feature
I don't buy into this presidential primary buzz, but it got me thinking…
What former SU student would make the best presidential candidate?
After watching Gerry McNamara hawk luxurious yet affordable cars, I realized we get over-exposed to the laundry list of notable alum all the time. Why not finally decide who's the ripest orange by pitting them in a fictional battle for the White House?
Rules:
For starters, as long as the individual attended SU, the candidate is eligible regardless of whether or not he or she received a diploma (so you're in Costas, Crane and 'Melo).
Next, to make it interesting, all individuals who are remotely qualified to live on Pennsylvania Avenue are disqualified. This means no Eileen Collins (first female space shuttle commander) or Ted Koppel (former ABC news anchor). I'll exclude Joe Biden (Delaware senator and former Democratic candidate) too, but his qualifications are questionable if you followed his campaign.
Finally, since this is primary season, "electability" matters above all else. This means you should be able to approach a stranger, say "Did you know X is running for President?" and that person would immediately recognize the individual. If a candidate passes that test, he or she can be evaluated on the other aspects of electability: likeability, how famous your celebrity endorsements are and how cool the SNL parodies would be.
After consulting a panel of experts on the subject (or just me) here are the initial results:
The Dennis Kucinich / Ron Paul Division
Alice Sebold (author "The Lovely Bones"), Stephen Crane (author "The Red Badge of Courage"), Pete Yorn (hipster musician), Taye Diggs (actor), Lexington Steele (porn star)
Kucinich is the U.S. Representative from Ohio with a squeaky voice and facial features like a muppet - his platforms aren't bad, it's just hard to take him seriously. Likewise, the Kucinich Division candidates are all loveable and talented, but in quirky niche ways, which prevent them from being crowned the frontrunner. Sebold wrote the critically acclaimed "The Lovely Bones." Crane is a high-school history class staple for the Civil War-inclined. Diggs was the landlord Benny in the original stage production of "Rent."
What former SU student would make the best presidential candidate?
After watching Gerry McNamara hawk luxurious yet affordable cars, I realized we get over-exposed to the laundry list of notable alum all the time. Why not finally decide who's the ripest orange by pitting them in a fictional battle for the White House?
Rules:
For starters, as long as the individual attended SU, the candidate is eligible regardless of whether or not he or she received a diploma (so you're in Costas, Crane and 'Melo).
Next, to make it interesting, all individuals who are remotely qualified to live on Pennsylvania Avenue are disqualified. This means no Eileen Collins (first female space shuttle commander) or Ted Koppel (former ABC news anchor). I'll exclude Joe Biden (Delaware senator and former Democratic candidate) too, but his qualifications are questionable if you followed his campaign.
Finally, since this is primary season, "electability" matters above all else. This means you should be able to approach a stranger, say "Did you know X is running for President?" and that person would immediately recognize the individual. If a candidate passes that test, he or she can be evaluated on the other aspects of electability: likeability, how famous your celebrity endorsements are and how cool the SNL parodies would be.
After consulting a panel of experts on the subject (or just me) here are the initial results:
The Dennis Kucinich / Ron Paul Division
Alice Sebold (author "The Lovely Bones"), Stephen Crane (author "The Red Badge of Courage"), Pete Yorn (hipster musician), Taye Diggs (actor), Lexington Steele (porn star)
Kucinich is the U.S. Representative from Ohio with a squeaky voice and facial features like a muppet - his platforms aren't bad, it's just hard to take him seriously. Likewise, the Kucinich Division candidates are all loveable and talented, but in quirky niche ways, which prevent them from being crowned the frontrunner. Sebold wrote the critically acclaimed "The Lovely Bones." Crane is a high-school history class staple for the Civil War-inclined. Diggs was the landlord Benny in the original stage production of "Rent."
Be the first to comment on this story